Selfish.

I know I'm being self centered lately.
Constantly thinking, talking about myself and my own life.
But who else will talk about those things? If not me? ha jk.

I've been having a pretty confusing, stressful, undermining week so far.

The job I wanted - I was denied.
The guy I've been talking to - M.I.A.
The job I currently have - I feel stuck
The move I was planning - on hold until further notice
The confidence I've had - gone
The physical goal I set myself - at a stand still

Honestly what the hell is going on?

Why. Yes, It's selfish to be complaining about these things, but this is what's important in my life at the moment, besides family and friends.

I have nothing going on in my life. I could be pmsing for all I know. But quite frankly, how did everything go from within reach to further away.

A week ago, things felt attainable. Now - not in the least.

I could be overracting, something I do a lot of. But still.

How does this "perfect guy" who tells me all these wonderful things go M.I.A completely? From speaking on the phone all day - everyday - to nothing, not even a single email.

A job which I thought I'd be a shoe in for - completely denied me.

A move which I set out in my head - will just simply have to wait.

All my friends constantly ask me - when I'm moving, when's my move date, when did I give my two weeks notice, when is my new job, where is my new job, where am I going to live...?

I have but one thing to say to all of that...

SHUT THE FUCK UP - and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

I have no idea, and constantly I repeat myself to the same people - I have no idea. YES that's my final answer. It's the only answer that I have at the moment.

I have no idea where my life is going at the moment - Sadly only a few months ago I was in this same boat... How have I returned here?? How?

I thought my life was going somewhere - things were taking off in the right direction... Everything now - is fucked.

I'm really upset by all of it.

California and the people in it, the promises of a new life - all seem to hate me.

I'm in a foul mood.

I've had enough of this week.

Off to bed for me to sulk some more.

This emo kid is out...

I.Beezy - the perpetual loser.