Quiet.

Sometimes, I just need to keep to myself. I need to think before I act.
Tonight isn't any acception.

So I went to the Deftones' concert. Had a GREAT time.
But when I went to the bathroom, I ran into my ex's gf's friend (whom doesn't know that I know who she is...you got that?) Of course panic sets in..."omg my ex is here, he's here with his gf..." yadda yadda.. - I'm an idiot.
So i text him "hey are you at the deftones concert - saw your gfs friend here" then of course to which I receive a phone call from his gf asking me why I have his number, bla bla bla... FUN TIMES. Of course this doesn't ruin my mood though, or my buzz for that matter... But regardless, I shouldn't have texted him. I'm a moron.
And I should learn from my idiotic mistakes.

This kid needs to get the fuck out of my head and heart.

I hate him. I'm so stupid for texting - I got dragged into their drama, spent 3 <-- count them THREE hours on the phone with his gf...rehashing my relationship with him and her issues with him, and how immature and socially inept, and stubborn he is. Seriously, from what I know this kid hasn't changed one bit, and this poor girl is just my stand in. I feel bad. She's going through the SAME exact relationship I went though AND they're doing the SAME exact things I did with him. It's rather sick if you think about it.

Granted I shouldn't be thinking about it at all. It's been a year and a half. I should really get over it by now. I just can't get over the fact that he's in a relationship with someone and here I am perfectly awesome and yet single. Pfft... shit just boggles the mind. But honestly, I wish I had thought about the reprocussions before going through the motion, but isn't that always the case??

Ugh.

Anyways, so now, do I seem pathetic to her? Probably not, cus I stated my case and reasoning for the text, but to myself...see that's the person who really matters here, I am just pathetic in my own eyes for doing such a thing. I just can't believe I stooped to that level... I should have deleted his number a long time ago. He is no one to me now. Yes, he was someone, to me a LONNNNNNG time ago...but not anymore. He's just a stranger to me now. And it sucks that me and his gf have a common bond. We seriously chatted without argument for 3 hrs. She's really nice, and surprisingly smart, and she knows what she's gotten herself into, however, she is 21 and she is also blinded by love, like I was once.

I didn't say anything bad about him, and I could have. But I didn't. I said he was a great bf when he wanted to be...That I don't really blame him anymore, of course I embellished the fact that I had a significant other, and romantically I was happy...which of all is bogus, but who needs to know!

Regardless, though I do not want him back, he isn't someone I would want now. He was perfect for me when I was growing up, when WE were growing up together, we learned from each other. He will have my heart...but hopefully not for long anymore. First loves are so hard to get over. It's really irritating to me now. Sometimes I just think "why the hell can't I get over him" and it's a rhetorical question, cus I know why, it's because there's no one in my life now who can take that place yet. And well that alone aggitates me. Because, I'm awesome, and deserve someone who is equally great as myself...but he's no where to be found.

Anywaysssss it's 4am my buzz is long gone. I spent so many hours on the phone with this poor girl. Who I shouldn't even be talking to...ha... I know I am ridiculous. Say no more.

Moral of the story... think before you act.

God I wish I had, I could have saved those minutes! haha
This is what I get for being a retard.

"make my bed, and now I'll lie in it..." So the saying goes...

Ceste la vie... Such is life.

I'll live, I wish nothing but happiness for him and his gf. He deserves to be happy, and so do I.

Karma baby... as Justin Timberlake put it... "what goes around comes around..."
So I tried to set things right...

I made it uber clear that I didn't want him - which I definitely don't!!
Ugh, this drama I caused though, could have easily been avoid.

Doh! Next time seriously - there won't be a next time, you can trust me on that!

Alright it's about that time kiddos, Good night...
This retard is out!

xoxo i.beezy.