dating can be your friend...

unfortunately it's not mine.

So let's see, it has been just about 1 yr and change now, since I've been in a real relationship - with my first love aka my ex.

After my ex, I dated around, nothing lasting longer than a week, if that - then I met someone through a friend. He was a breath of fresh air at the time. He was a little too immature sometimes, and well had some issues, I guess that comes along with trying to date a comedian. Stupid me.

So we dated for a lil bit (May - Oct) obviously that didn't last, I don't think it was ever going to last - I blame it on loneliness.

So basically the last time that I was dating someone was back in Oct 2006.

I hadn't dated anyone after him - I decided I needed some alone time.

I ended up doing what I normally do - just hanging out with my friends, having fun, enjoying my life.

I have been away from the dating scene for a good couple months.
Somewhat intentionally - eh I guess not really. It's not like I locked myself away or anything. I do go to the same types of places. I've never had intensions of finding someone, and well I guess that's a normal occurance in my life anyway. I've never been the kind of girl who randomly makesout with someone at the end of the night - that's only happened three times in my life, and I don't take guys home - I'm not a one night stand type of girl, granted I've done that - definitely not proud of it, but I feel like I let myself down when I have done that, because what it comes down to is that has never been me, and so why keep doing it.

Anyways...
Recently, I wanted to date again, because sometimes you get lonely.

I always go out with my friends, we have a great time. I'm not complaining about that. I just miss those boyfriend-girlfriend things. Like just hanging out with your significant other watching tv/dvd/movies, or going on a mini roadtrip/vacation, cuddling, acting silly, just roaming the city hand-in-hand, kissing, etc. Simple things like that.

And well with turning 27 this year - I'm not getting any younger. I thought I would have been engaged by now. Funny how things don't work out the way you think they will. Don't get me wrong I am not bitter about not being engaged or anything like that, I'm just sad that at this age I can't even find a normal person to just date and have fun with. It's rather pathetic. In a city FULL of people - many who are single - it's just frustrating that not one person is even worth the time. And that pisses me off, because one of the last things my ex had said was "good luck trying to find someone as good as I was" - gets me so irritated. Because he wasn't that great. If he was - we'd still be together. Unfortnately, I have yet to find anyone who compares - rather disconcerting.

Anywho...

Since I rarely get approached at the places that I do venture out to and on the rare ocassion when I do - the guys are such arrogant losers, and also for the fact that none of my friends have guy friends to set me up with, I took "dating" into my own hands and I decided to give the internet a shot (again - ugh).

I put myself on a couple free online dating sites:(don't laugh)
Lavalife, Yahoo Personals, Okcupid.com

I received plenty of feedback from guys, but none of whom were what I am looking for. Many were much older (35-40) and of course most weren't attractive. Of the ones that I did find attractive and contacted, well maybe 3 were remotely interesting.

So I ended up deleting all my profiles and images from those online dating sites. Except one, okcupid.com - which I still have a profile on. I found three guys on there who were somewhat interesting, and well not bad looking either.

However, two of them are young.
One is 23 (way too young) and the other 25.
But I figured why not, it's just the internet, we can atleast chat online - no harm in that.

So here's the info on these guys from what I knew of them online.
Bachelor #1 is 27, really cute in pictures, smart, great story teller, well traveled, lives in Bklyn, has an interesting job, and speaks 3-4 languages.

Bachelor #2 is 25, not bad looking, studying to be a lawyer, lives in the city, interesting to chat with online.

Bachelor #3 is 23, cute, much taller than me at 6 ft., but lives in PA. We're very similiar though, from what I've gathered in online conversation - he's silly and sarcastic and plays sports.

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Well, I ended up meeting Bachelor #1 on Tuesday.
Let me just say, he seemed more confident in his pictures, and so I was a little let down by that, because I like confident guys - it's a turn on. And well, he kind of seemed a lil on the "gentle" side. Also, he's a little serious, which bored me.

On a first date, you don't want to feel like you're sitting in a lecture hall back in college - not my cup of tea. So I got distracted, and well entertained myself by ripping pieces of paper and throwing them into my empty Starbucks cup. Yes, I know it's rude, but honestly, I need to keep myself busy, otherwise I would have fallen asleep. I know he picked up on my bored vibe, because before I knew it he stopped talking about the history of bla bla bla, and begin ripping pieces of paper with me - haha.

He was really nice though. I feel bad, but I don't know personally the guy he portrayed in the pictures seemed to be more of my type, and well the guy in person - fell short. I may give him another chance, because what if he was having an "off" day. We'll see...

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So yesterday, Friday, I went out with Bachelor #2...
We met up and when he was walking towards me, I thought, well this guy is much better looking in person than his pictures - AND THEN the accent showed up. I get turned off by accents. Especially if they remind me of a family member's accent. He really reminded me of my cousin Andrew who has the same accent.

And well, he was rather serious in person too. He's a law student, so he was talking some legal jargon, which bored me half to death. So I started to space out. And he caught that, I blamed it on being tired, which was true, I was somewhat dying down from the work week, but I mean if he wasn't talking about child predators and legal issues in Florida, I would have been more interested in his conversation, instead of checking out the skateboarders in Union Square. Granted, he was a nice kid, just not for me. I feel bad. It's not his fault. Well, ok yea, it was. Haha now I'm just being mean.

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I don't know what it is.
Is it me?
Am I not smart enough to feel enticed by these kinds of conversations?

I know the basics of law, I took law classes in college, so it's not some foreign topic. I like history and learning but I don't find it fitting for first date conversation. I just don't get it. And personally I don't find politics a fun topic either, I never have, and most likely - I never will.

Maybe I need to date guys who are dumber than I am? Haha So I feel superior? Nah, that's not it. I need someone who's not boring. These guys are on the boring side, I feel like they don't know how to let loose.

I am definitely on the immature side as far as most people my age go, but that's not to say I can't also be serious when the time is right.

These guys definitely don't have that "wow" factor I am looking for. I'm not impressed. I need someone who's balanced, can be totally silly, and when the ocassion calls for it can tone it down and be serious.

I hope that's not asking for too much, otherwise I'm fucked.

So I've decided that online dating is not for me.

I've given this online dating thing about a months worth. And whomever I'm looking for, he isn't on an online dating site waiting for me.

I'm going to delete my profile off okcupid.com. I am done with it. There is no point for me to try it again. It didn't work when I was newly single and gave it ago, and I doubt it'll work after.

So, good-bye to online dating - you won't be missed.

xoxo i.beezy