time flies...

so i sat down and actually counted...
it has officially been one year and four months since me and my ex boyfriend broke up. Which also means he's made it to one year in a new relationship.

I don't know what's worse? Knowing he's capable of finding love with someone else, or knowing that I have yet to meet someone better than him. I think the latter for sure. It's horrible knowing that I haven't found anyone. I'm not even that picky. There are just no opportunities. No matter where I go. I never get hit on, sure I get occasional looks here and there, but nothing else. I never see anyone cute on the train. No one at work who is good looking is straight. None of my friends have single guy friends, they themselves are searching as well. Just gets me frustrated.
Hmph.

I really hope things are different in California. I'm almost thirty for christ's sake! It makes me tre sad.

Honestly I haven't met anyone. I don't know what to do. I sit home nothing happens, I go out nothing happens. I don't want to even think about the fact that I may end up alone for the rest of my life, its disturbing. I want a family. Not a test tube baby or to adopt and raise on my own. That's not the kind of life I want.

I'm plenty busy with my life. I barely have time for myself. They always say "you meet someone when you least expect it, when you're busy doing something else" okay, so now, what happens when you're doing that something else, and that "someone" i'm supposed to meet hasn't shown up? Hmm...apparently no one thought about that half of the equation. Grr

So what now?

Random thought. It's just been really pissing me off, knowing that someone like my ex boyfriend is as happy as a pig in mud. And here I am still searching for that somebody that will rock my socks.

One year and four months.

In less than 6 months, I will be moving to California. Maybe things will work out there, but if they don't what do I do then?

Ugh, I hate living with uncertainty. I need to know! Tell Me!

Anyways, it's late and I should get to bed. Gnite stupid bizarro world where idiots run a muck in fields of happiness while us awesome individuals hang our heads low and hope for something better. Le Sigh.

Peace out cubscouts.

xoxo i.beezy

speaks to the soul...

Ok recently I downloaded this song by Chris Daughtry
The song is called Over You.
And well the lyrics are very fitting.
------------------------------------
Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up then tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought to doubt you;
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces
And spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought to doubt you;
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces
And spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought to doubt you;
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought to doubt you;
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces
And spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.
------------------------------------
Just thought I'd share. :)

xoxo i.beezy