Bye bye May, Hello June!

It's the last few days of May, and I'm still trying to remember how it even got to May, let alone now that it's already ending. Geez, time seriously flies by. This is just ridiculous.

So here I am in California. Beautiful blue skies. Beach winds coming off the surf and gently wash over me, as I sit in the cool sand, book in hand, and staring out into the ocean. And then of course the song by Incubus pops into my head Dig.

"I dig my toes into the sand.
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds
Strewn across the blue plain.
I lean against the wind.
Pretend that I am weightless.
and in this moment I am happy... happy."

Although for the rest of the song, I'll dedicate to my friends, since I don't have a significant other...hehe, of course I wished at that moment all my friends were here. I'm going to miss EVERYONE once I move. It is going to SUCK. No doubt about it. But I'm being selfish, and moving for my happiness. So I mean while it will be hard not having everyone around me anymore, it will bring light to who I am. What I am capable of as an adult. I've never been alone. Never. This will be a test. I know I will be fine, because while in the past I haven't been put to such tests, I know that I am determined to make a life for myself out here. Maybe not permanent. I haven't ruled this move as permanent, I just know that it's what I need to do for now. Maybe two years from now, I may move back, who knows, two years is a ways off, and how do you find out if something will work out, if you don't try it first. So trial and error. I will learn.

I'm excited and completely afraid at the same time. I'm absolutely sure that is the appropriate response for things such as this. It's a huge change in the little Biosphere in which I live. But I'm embracing it.

However, sadly, I've come to the point where I actually like my job more and more, and well the company and it's people are awesome, and I know for a fact that I won't meet people like that at another job, it's a rare find, but I will take it for all it is worth, and keep those who were close as friends with me through my life.

Going to compeletly miss ALL of my friends. Each have contributed to my life in many different ways, all are different from each other, and I loved everyone for that! The best people I have ever have met! It will be so hard knowning I can't meet up for dinner and drinks or that occasional movie and dinner to catch up! Oh man it's going to be hard! But I hope that I will have frequent visitors!! My doors will always be open, and I will definitely rack up my frequent flyer miles!! That I can promise!! I'm getting all faclempt (think Linda Richmond).

I'm going to miss my home - the house I grew up in. All my familiarities. My neighborhood. All things of comfort. And it's not like I can go back and visit my old house and room. There won't be any to visit. It won't be mine anymore. And that gets me upset to think of that. But you have to move on. Those are just material things. I have all the memories I need stored up in my head, I think most of all I'm scared I may forget them, since I won't be around it anymore. That gets me all teary eyed for sure. It sucks. I wish my folks could stay in our house. I love that house, and I know they do too. They worked so hard for it, and it's horrible to know that they won't be able to retire in it. They too have to start over. However, they're move is permanent, mine is or isn't.

I don't know what the future holds. Uncertainty gets me on edge. I don't feel comfortable knowing things aren't going to go as planned, or how I want them to, but I have to prepared to deal with that. I am ready for that end.

Who knows I may hate it here. All I've known is vacationing in California since the age of sixteen. It has been eleven years of visiting the West Coast. All those times I love it, but that's only because I know I go back home to New York. We'll see what happened when there is no home in New York to go back to. The though irks me, but it's what is going to be my reality. I will have to make the best of it. Otherwise what was the whole point of trying someplace new, when I could have easily stayed in Queens something I know backwards, forwards and inside out.

Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely excited to move, I just wish my folks could retire in our home is all. It's going to be hard on them too.

I've planned on moving in September 2007. But who knows if that will be the right month. Everyone keeps asking me, I keep repeating yea, sometime in September. But honestly it all depends on when I start looking for a job, when I get the job, and when I start. It all relies on those factors.

Anyways, I'm working myself up into a tizzy. It's Tuesday night 12:35am PST and I'm stupidly emotional haha.

I have to say I did totally enjoy walking down to the beach, sitting on the sand and reading my book and the waves rolled in. It was absolutely relaxing, and the funny thing was, I didn't mind sitting there alone. It was nice I must admit.

I rarely do things alone. And well it was nice for a change. I got to enjoy some Iris Time.

So tomorrow is another day here. I'm here until Saturday. This is one busy week for me. I'm glad I did make it a full week. Anyways it's about that time. I will probably post back tomorrow.

Peace out cubscouts!

xoxo i.beezy

allow myself to introduce...uh...myself.

I was a hyper-active child, that hasn't changed.
I had the baddest motorized Big Wheel in town.
I went clubbing at the age of 6, thanks to my big sister.
My parents have been in love for 40 yrs, I look forward to having that too one day.
I had the most latenesses and abscences in both the entire Elementary and Junior High Schools that I attended.
I inherited my lateness from my Mommy.
People thought I was Punky Brewster when I was little.
I can sit and watch Discovery Channel and Animal Planet all day.
Admitted Science Nerd (but i keep it on the down low).
I like to find out how everything works.
I can name the breed of most any dog that I see on the street. Should have been a Vet.
Grew up with my two boy cousins Getty and Dave (hi guys!).
We used to play WWF - fun times.
I punched a boy named Jimmy in the face when I was in 7th Grade. He kept making fun of me.
If you see him now, tell him I'd do it again if I saw him...haha.
I used to be a little trouble maker - still am.
Favorite Muppets are Animal and Cookie Monster - hate Elmo.
Hot Wheels, Legos and Transformers over Barbie any day.
I sold my Barbies at a Garage Sale at age 10.
Stapled my fingers together by accident once.
I can do a pretty good Russian accent.
I hate White Chocolate. ew.
Smarter than I Let On.
Love to Dance.
I love Hockey and Football, especially going to watch it live.
I love going to Concerts!
I have found and lost my First Love, I would like to find and keep my Last Love.
I can Boogieboard with the best of them.
I will be West Coast Bound real soon.
I am determined to learn how to Surf.
I love to learn new and old things.
Rough houser.
I can Ski pretty well, I'm eager to Snowboard.
Sarcastic.
LOVE to TRAVEL!
Absolutely love love love Roller Coasters!
Music soothes my soul.
I want to Sky Dive!!!
Not Afraid to Make an Ass Out of Myself.
Loud.
Silly.
I've Swam with Sharks in the Caribbean.
Hate Bugs.
I'm good at Ping Pong, horrible at Beer Pong.
I love PUMA.
I hate tying my shoes.
I still use the Bunny Ears Method to tie my shoes.
I still have my Baseball Card Collection.
Wanted to be an Anthropologist.
An African Safari is on my Must-Do List.
Almost became a tennis pro - that dream was shutdown.
Art is my life.
I train surf, I skeeze the Subway.
Almost Drowned in Mexico.
Not Afraid to Answer Questions.
I'll tell you if you have a booger hanging out.
I'm very Observant.
I'm a Mintaholic.
I can solve the Rubik's Cube and Rubik's Triangle.
Love Spontaneity!
I love Bubblegum, but it gives me a headache after a while of chewing.
I love love love Bear Hugs!
I love Cartoons.
I love Prosecco.
FIRENZE.
I like people (sometimes).
Never had a Cavity.
Don't have any Tattoos.
I don't mind the smell of Gasoline, Rubber Cement or Sharpies.
I like who I am becoming.
I'm a big kid at heart.
I know a little of everything and a lot of nothing.

(all the above is true.)

xoxo i.beezy